Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Spontaneity Rules

So much for plotting and lurking around on internet contact sites, arranging dates with strangers that take weeks and months to materialize and inevitably disappoint. Sometimes what is needed is a little spontaneity and an ex. So it was that Virgil, me, and Beatrix, a sometime lover of his, ended up in bed together on Saturday night and most of Sunday.

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Sunday, 22 August 2010

Solo Date

My date with the toy soldiers was disappointing. My suspicions were right: they were pleasant but pedestrian. Our conversation did not lag but it didn't fly either. We never managed to get beyond the tangible and material. Somehow we lacked ideas, poetry, filth or romance. I could hear Virgil scolding me in the back of my head: "Don't talk about normal things! Don't talk about jobs!"

Sex with the toy soldiers might be a good shag but it would not be an erotic adventure. I have to write and thank them but, four days later, they have still not written to me. In a characteristic failure of good manners, saying goodbye at the end of the date I think I hesitated slightly when they said that we should meet up again soon. Oops.
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Bataille Again

Here's a theory: the difference between porn and erotica is that you come while consuming porn but with erotica the kick comes after. I have joined a sexy book club. This month's choice is The Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille. Oh, piss and eyeballs! I found my old copy which has survived countless book culls and several moves.

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Monday, 16 August 2010

Clever Slut

I have been examining my oeuvre. 

What a satisfying word that is to say. Let it elongate and roll off the tongue, with a roll of the eyes that both acknowledges and relishes its pretensions.

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Sunday, 15 August 2010

The Ostrich's Dilemma

At the prospect of sexual encounters without Virgil I feel apprehensive, excited and curious. Unfortunately I feel quite shit about Virgil seeing other people in a measure that is out of all proportion and quite unreasonable and unjustifiable. Jealousy, insecurity, avarice and fear are all there.

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Friday, 13 August 2010


I confess, until last week I did not know it was a word. Then someone sent me this piece by Laurie Penny. It's a thoughtful article about the word 'sexualisation' and how it is being bandied about my proponents of today's moral panic about girl's and young women's sexuality. Slut-shaming comes in in the last paragraph and some newspaper sub has seen fit to make it the subject of the headline: Stop this slut-shaming. I don't know why, but I had expected better journalism from the Guardian (or less prurience at any rate).

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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Thinking about children

Virgil is eight years younger than me. His thirties are beginning and mine are ending. Different things make us cry.

Recently he sobbed uncontrollably in Toy Story 3 with its themes of friendship, loyalty and growing away from childhood companions. On Sunday I was made into a watery mess by Little Green, the song Joni Mitchell wrote about giving up her daughter for adoption when she was young.

I'm not broody but the question is there.

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Monday, 9 August 2010


This month my PMT has been all about anger, an almost constant grumpiness. I've been on the verge of shouting for days and the mystery itch I've had for the past 3 weeks makes my skin crawl.

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Sunday, 8 August 2010


I got home from work last night at 1.30am. Virgil wanted me to see a message from a girl who has contacted us through a contact site. Her pictures are good. She says she has come from a sexless relationship and is trying to get her confidence back but she finds the online thing daunting. I write back: 

Dear *,

Regaining sexual confidence after a sexless relationship is what brought me onto online contact sites several years ago. As a single bi female you punch well above your weight, so take heart. 

If you're going to be a successful internet dater, you'll have to start talking to people on the phone. And the sooner the better! Why don't the three of us have a conversation in the next few days? We're available tomorrow in the afternoon until five or six if you like, or suggest a time that suits.
My phone number: ***


The thought of another threesome turns us both on. Virgil rests on me as I lie on my belly typing, and I feel his cock getting hard. Suddenly in the middle of the night there is passion.  

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Saturday, 7 August 2010

My Clit Is In Hiding

Tickets to our sex party sold out in a week, catching us all by surprise. The event is more than a month away. Amateur statistics suggested that in future some form of positive discrimination at least will be necessary to keep the gender split roughly equal. We're not sure how to do this while staying fair. Do we have to be fair? Obviously we have to be seen to be fair but I don't think anyone would thank us for putting on a party with too many straight men lurking around.

Why do more single men sign up? Is it just that they are more motivated by the idea of getting sex? Are women more dubious about going to a sex party? Our party rules state that everyone must come with a friend or lover who will vouch for their behaviour. If one person behaves badly then both are in trouble. A small group of ticket buyers (mostly single men, conveniently) did not arrange this and will now probably lose their tickets, although we will allow them to hold them over to the next party.

I have spent half the week organising a volunteer rota and fielding enquiries, my own sex life neglected. It doesn't matter. My libido is low. This morning instead of lying in and making love Virgil and I cleared out our (inadequate) storage cupboard. Apparently I've fought off nocturnal advances several times and on two mornings have been too sleepy to fuck.

A voice in my head, which I hear mostly when I cycle around, is saying that my clitoris feels small and dormant. If it were a cock it would be shrinking back inside me. I've had one or two moments of arousal at inappropriate times, but mostly I don't feel sexy. I worry about having bad sex while I feel like this in case it exacerbates the mood.

Contrast this to times in my life when sex has not been readily available. I have simmered with frustration, written passionately and masturbated like crazy, fantasizing about people encountered online but not in the flesh.
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Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Ooh, it's e[Lust] 18

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #19? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~
Off Limits for 30 Days - "You don't listen very well," I heard her hiss. "That's off limits, damn you." And there was a crack and fiery agony clawed into my back.
The Joy of Sucking Cock - I wonder at times if that is why I am such a “good little cocksucker” as W calls me. When I am deeply into it, I almost enter this place where I am both the sucker and suckee, and it is as though it is MY cock being sucked on.
This intensity gets me riled when I am tied up (photo story) -  James picked up that evil strap again. I watched helplessly as he positioned himself to use it on my pussy... Ever so lightly he started. Flick, flick, flick.
~ e[lust] Editress ~
Ask Lilly: How do I know if a sex toy has phthalates in it? - The studies going around are saying that phthalate exposure can damage all sorts of organs, and can possibly cause cancer. There are a lot of harmful things in our world these days that we can't avoid - so when we CAN avoid something like toxins in our sex toys, we should.
~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~
Portal. Confession #493 - It truly is a spiritual give and take, these sexual relationships I form. I can cross the threshold and see however much of someone that I choose to see, with whomever it is that I am involved with.
See also: Pleasurists #88 and #89 for all your sex toy review needs.

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Sunday, 1 August 2010


More sex party organisation and admin. Today the question crosses my mind: had I known what a mentalist T is about spreadsheets would I have fallen in love with him in quite the same way?
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