Did I mention that I had a crush on my neighbour?

Serious excitement at Harlot Towers this morning. I hardly ever find anyone instantly attractive but my upstairs neighbour caught my eye immediately and with force. Even though we rarely bump into each other, for over a year now Dmitri has occupied a special place at the back of my mind. Imagine a little shoebox labelled 'crushes that will never be satisfied'.

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What's in it for you?

Somebody suggested that a blog should offer its readers something. That's funny. I thought a blog was a big electronic chasm that people come to wail into (those who aren't posting pictures of their children and bible study group outings, that is).

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Help

I just joined an online poly support group. Well, actually it turned out to be a mono/poly support group for people who are monogamous and having relationships with poly people. Whatever that means.

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The view from inside my ass

Creeping Americanization made me choose that one, right?

I had something close to a panic attack earlier. The trigger was going to spy on Sarah's Facebook profile. I read some of her wallposts (she's witty) and looked hard at a rather indistinct picture of her on a bicycle. It's her second profile picture where she is on a bicycle. Virgil always rides his bicycle when he goes to see her. I wonder if she has some kind of bike thing going on.

The reason I am spying on Virgil's lover's Facebook page is that I thought she might have blocked me (there was a reason for this other than pure paranoia) so I checked. Obviously I then had to look.

The lesson, I tell myself, is that it is not a competition about who is the coolest. I have humiliated myself. It's not good for self-esteem.

I feel like a big fake, a twat of epic proportions. I am a monster with a towering, fragile ego. I have only myself to blame. The view down is scary. I need something in my life, some kind of achievement of my own to feel good about. I phone Virgil and tell him about the snit although I don't tell him what started it.
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Disillusioned

I wonder how Virgil feels about Sarah. Does he miss her when he doesn't see her? How much does he think about her between dates. I'd like to know how the feeling coexists with what he feels about me because I can't imagine it. He's seen only her outside our relationship for the last few months, so (I surmise) he's satisfied and not looking for something more exciting. He says that Sarah has the potential to be a good friend. I am trying to feel pleased about that.

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Never Leave Me

This morning I wake up at 6am. At 7 I get up and go into the living room to read 'Opening Up'. Douglas, our counsellor, lent it to me. He thinks I might find some helpful advice in it about negotiating open relationships. I had been expressing, with vehemence, my feelings about the book Sarah gave Virgil. Virgil told me afterward that I had looked terrifying.

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A Proposition

This is the email I wrote to Robert after our last date:


Hi Robert,

I owe you an apology for not helping you out when you confessed to being unable to flirt. It was mean of me. Then again, when a date sits facing you, wearing the shortest of skirts, with her legs wide open, surely she makes up in body language for what she fails to communicate in other ways? How much of an invitation does a pervert need?

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