Saturday, 8 January 2011

Fear

We had a horrible argument about sex today in which I found myself repeating things my ex said to me when we were arguing about sex.

Virgil lacks passion recently and I miss the kind of heated, anything-goes love we used to make. I don't understand why he can want to go down on me and not want me to reciprocate or to fuck. I couldn't stop myself, although I worry that my outburst was damaging and pointless. Virgil looked hurt, furious and somehow trapped.

Sex arguments with my ex punctuated much of our 3 1/2 year relationship. My lack of desire became the expression of my faltering affection. I am afraid that Virgil is falling out of love with me. I think I am probably experiencing the same feelings of futility and powerlessness that she felt.

How do people with problems with sex talk about them without compounding the situation?

I want to fall more in love, to be able to say that we are 'more in love than ever'. Instead I feel that we are loving on thin ice.

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