Monday, 20 February 2012

Eyes Wide Smut

Kubrick's surreal, enchanted and disturbing film Eyes Wide Shut is mostly about fantasy and fear. Virgil is a big Cruise and Kubrick fan. He sent me a DVD of it when we were first dating. Like the film, it was Christmastime. It was before we attended our first sex party together. I watched Eyes Wide Shut and thought of him and the new experiences I was about to have.

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Thursday, 16 February 2012

A big Gestalt vomit

Mid-afternoon on the sofa, I masturbate to some bad kink fiction. It is a mechanical release so that I won't feel horny later. This morning I sat in Sigi the therapist's room and cried as I regurgitated some of my most painful memories. I talked about standing by my dad's hospital bed when I thought he was dying and he told me that he had given up trying to connect with me. We didn't use the word connect - it was 1991 - but you know what I mean.

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e[lust] edition 32 is here...

Photo courtesy of Penny
Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as STI's, swingers and poly relationships, spanking, role play and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #34? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ The Top Three Posts ~ I'm The 48% - I keep breathing. Strangely enough, the world didn’t end at that precise moment. I felt numb. I stared at those two red lines on the monitor. Can Swingers be Happily Married? Long Term? - Swinging can be an exhilarating experience. It requires sincerity, honesty, vulnerability, strength, forgiveness, and patience. Secretary - I was a little worried: my intentions in placing the ad had been purely dishonorable, but her response offered no evidence that she correctly divined my intentions. ~ e[lust] Editress ~ Why I Write – And Respect – Negative Sex Toy Reviews - I call a spade a spade, and name it out for being crap no matter if it’s $39 crap or $139 crap. Crap is crap and you shouldn’t have to buy it. ~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~ A Little Spanking Can Go A Long Way - All I could do was hold on until it was over. It was more than I could take, but I took it and, of course, I loved it. All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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Wednesday, 15 February 2012

To test my commitment to an open relationship, I have lunch with M

We are officially on a break from solo adventures so I do not tell Virgil that I am going to lunch with Dmitri today. It's academic. Dmitri is not in an open relationship with his girlfriend. He's off limits. Does it count as a date if you fancy someone like mad?

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Mornings are my worst time. My sleeping brain stores up hurt and resentment during the night. I used to wake up feeling very glad to be lying next to Virgil. This makes me sad. I can't seem to help it.

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Monday, 6 February 2012

The important question

I send a text to say yes to Sigi the therapist. She hasn't texted back yet. Maybe she'll veto me. Sigi can have a chance. If it doesn't work I'll try someone else.

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Saturday, 4 February 2012

I prevaricate and give myself until Monday to make up my mind

Yesterday morning I thought, I must phone the therapist, but I didn't. I spent most of the day working at home on a project Virgil and I are collaborating on. Then it's too late.

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Thursday, 2 February 2012

I need to make a decision about therapy


An organized whole that is perceived as more than the sum of its parts

Today I went to see the Gestalt therapist. We talked for 50 minutes, mostly about my problems and whether Gestalt might work for me. Sigi's main concern seems to be that I want a quick fix and might not get it. My main concern is that Sigi isn't very articulate and lacks assurance. She's a trainee. I still don't really know what Gestalt therapy is.

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Loneliness and the Righteous Harlot

It's Zoe's birthday soon. Zoe is the friend who was so upset to not be invited to our New Year's play party. She told us at the time that ours was a party 'she would expect to have been invited to' and that she thought of us as good friends. Now it's her birthday and we have word of a weekend of celebrations to which we haven't been invited. It might be because she knows we're busy (we are) but I'm not sure.

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