Saturday, 4 February 2012

I prevaricate and give myself until Monday to make up my mind

Yesterday morning I thought, I must phone the therapist, but I didn't. I spent most of the day working at home on a project Virgil and I are collaborating on. Then it's too late.

Today I think, Well what are you going to do if not this? The jealous feelings are still there and I need to prioritise sorting out my shit.

Our break cannot last indefinitely. This is a temporary respite and I want to be ready before we start again. Virgil wants to be able to tell Sarah how long he thinks it will be so that she can decide whether he's worth waiting for. Virgil thinks Sarah is worth waiting for. Really Sarah is a symbol for any other woman Virgil might like to date or fuck.

Since the GBL incident I haven't known what to do. Until our sexual problems are in hand I don't think I can cope with solo adventures - or sex parties, threesomes or foursomes. I feel shut down. I also think I am getting thrush. This makes my heart sink. I haven't had that for over a year. It feels like it's creeping back in. I call Ralph for an appointment - he will fix me. He did before.

So I need to do something but I'm not sure about this therapist, Sigi, and whether she can help me. I was not convinced by her. I think about whether to go back to the centre and ask to see a different person. Maybe I should give her a second chance.

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