Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Disconnected

Mornings are my worst time. My sleeping brain stores up hurt and resentment during the night. I used to wake up feeling very glad to be lying next to Virgil. This makes me sad. I can't seem to help it.

When he asks me what's wrong, I say: it feels like the pain is too much and I'm closing down. I feel cold and distant. I can't feel sexual about you after what happened. It's too painful to be in love with you so I'm falling out of love with you. I don't think I can make you happy. I'm trying to change myself so I can feel happy about you seeing other people but I'm afraid that the cost is that I have to stop loving you to do this.

He protests and holds me. He says it doesn't have to be like this and that he's committed to me. I remember that I love him but I also remember the ultimatum.

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