Saturday, 24 March 2012

I Upset Myself Sleuthing

If you go looking for things to feel sad about, success will come your way. Today, against all commonsense, I have been snooping on Sarah. I don't know why. Yes I do. It's a compulsion. Sarah is about to come back into my life, I think. Virgil says she could well have moved on by now but I suspect not.

What facts would a good spy would have turned up (family tree, bank details?)? I already knew where Sarah works. Now I also know what she does for a job. For amateur spies like me Twitter is a rich and easy source of information. Now I know much more about her than ever before: for example, that she likes to ride a fast bike and has altercations with drivers.

Sarah posts pictures of bad American snacks and sweets. This taste is something she shares with Virgil. He holds in high esteem nutritional aberrations such as strawberry Poptarts. I think about how Virgil used to take his shiny but rarely used bike out of the bike room to go to meet Sarah. I wonder whether she has seen him in action and knows what a terrible cyclist he is.

I wanted a better idea of what Sarah looks like. Fortunately she Tweets pictures of herself. Weirdly, my suspicion that our eyes locked on a busy city street some time ago is validated. I'm almost certain. Our city is large but it's not totally anonymous. She was cycling past me with a scarf over her face. I think she knew who I was too.

There were a few Tweets between Sarah and Virgil - nothing untoward about their tone or content. I decided to do some proper detective work. Sarah Tweets regularly about ten times a day. I rewound through her history to the beginning of January and the day on which Virgil turned up to meet her for an all-day date that turned out to be a conversation about why he couldn't see her for the foreseeable future. Sarah Tweeted once that day and not at all the day after. Then apparently she got back on her bike and life carried on. She sounds pretty cheerful most of the time.

Sarah's Twitter silence worries me. It speaks of sadness and disappointment. Friends with benefits is one thing but there's only a certain level of emotional involvement and commitment that I can tolerate.

I tell myself: this is about a principle, don't make it about a person. If it wasn't Sarah it would be someone else. Don't get fixated on Sarah, don't escalate or catastrophize.

Stop picking your own sore spots, Harlot.

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