Sunday, 20 March 2011

Alone

Gadzooks, I was jet-lagged. My woeful last posting was, I am convinced, due mostly to the wrong feeling caused by moving too great a distance in too little time. It was less about time difference and more a feeling that my mind and body didn't fit together properly.

I feel sad again today but it's different. Virgil has gone on a work trip with some fun days bolted on the end and, because by the time he returns I will be on a training course in the north of England, we won't see each other for almost two weeks.

Two weeks. I was a leaky, angry mess all morning while he packed. I crouched on the bed in a rage because we hadn't had sex. We'd eaten a pizza and watched a film, which I fell asleep in the middle of before our new neighbours' all-night party got going and woke me up again. Last night our bedroom ceiling was their dance floor. Virgil says if I can find anywhere as large, cheap and central for not much more money we can move...

My anger was mostly misplaced misery and self-pity. As soon as Virgil had left and I had had a good cry, I texted him to tell him that I adored him. I even said that it didn't matter that the neighbours had spoiled our evening because we would have many more. Then, still crying and spilling it everywhere, I ate all the popcorn in the flat. And THAT gave me the inspiration I had lacked for the many weeks I've been trying to think up an OKCupid! username.

I registered and started writing up a profile for myself, grieving all the while.

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