Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Save the date

I wake to an affectionate email from Virgil asking if I remember that today is the anniversary of our first kiss. I am nonplussed. The anniversary of our first date is some weeks away and we first kissed on our second date several weeks later. I think he has accidentally brought the anniversary forward one month. 'Well it's there in my diary,' says Virgil, as though this is incontrovertible evidence. 'Which is more reliable,' I write back, 'My memory or your electronic calendar?'

 The anniversaries you select to remember are markers and milestones. Relationships can unfold in a number of ways so there is no longer a standard progression. First message; first date; first kiss; first fuck; first scene; first time you realised something significant was afoot; the day you had the relationship conversation. Decisions about anniversaries are always made in retrospect. It's an archaeological dig, part of the myth-making early days of your journey. 

Virgil and I found each other the modern way: through a dubious adult contact site. By the time we met in person we had exchanged a few emails and a picture or two (not of our genitals). We had talked on the phone. I easily remember the date of our first meeting: we went to an exhibition of BDSM paraphernalia that is always held over the same weekend. It is also two days away from my dad's birthday.

Being easy to remember played some part in our choice of our first date as the main, official anniversary but it's more than that. There's something incontrovertible about that first face-to-face encounter. I recall our first kiss very fondly and well in the same way that I remember the first time Virgil came in my mouth, the first time I came in his mouth, the first time we had sex and so on... but I wouldn't choose any of these occasions for an anniversary. They'd be sure to lead you up some sticky conversational paths with the wrong people. Also, although cumulatively they are part of our love story, as individual events they are less significant (although it was a lovely kiss, a very good blow job, etcetera).

Virgil and I are not married so the other event worthy of anniversary status is our relationship conversation. I can't remember the exact date of that. Virgil says he does but his records are clearly not to be trusted. 

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