Social media blunder

Ouch.

In a non-sex related project I recently set up a Twitter account and Tumblr. Twitter is something I haven't much experience of. There was the experience of spying on Sarah Smith on Twitter once, which was quite weird, and I haven't really used it since.

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Slip sliding

Things feel like they're going backwards. I indulge in some wallowing.

It's supposed to be getting easier, but the last few days are a relapse into the tears and hopelessness of the first weeks post-Virgil. I miss him. I think of the good things: our conversations, collaborations and the tenderness that made us appear so affectionate and solid in our love. I have to remind myself about our frustrating sex life, his unwillingness to compromise and my jealousy about Sarah.

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Other people's feelings

I experience a new side to nonmonogamy and play the long game.

A recent first date inspired some interesting texts and a sense that something else might come of it. Not a big new romance, but the potential for sex and good company, pleasurable time spent getting to know someone. Damien is a grown-up but a fun one, not a geek but (on first impressions) a well-rounded, sociable, amicable man. He's an OkCupid connection and I liked the letter he wrote me and his profile so much that I went for it, even though I wasn't entirely sold on his pictures.

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Aloneness and togetherness

Sometimes you read something and the truth of the idea and its relevance to you sings out. It's a moment of epiphany and clarity.

"Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape." – bell hooks

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Cabin fever and inertia

Working from home. Ach. Exams in two weeks. I revise on the sofa and fall asleep in the afternoons. I am sad and lack motivation. Everything feels like too much trouble. Seriously. You don't know what it took to type this. I miss Virgil like a mad thing, even though I just spent the evening with him. I have been thinking about how falling in love is not an excuse to give one's power away but that's what I did.
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Too much play, too little sleep

The price of a good time - sleep deprivation and sexual health issues. 

It's Monday morning but all that means is I have revision to do. I could use more structure in my life and more distractions. It's hard to study. Being alone in the flat gives me time to think of Virgil. I miss him like crazy, to the point of picking up the phone, but I don't reach out. What's the point?

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Shame and non-monogamy

I'm not the only one to get jealous.

Given the bad press non-monogamy usually gets, it's understandable that when it's working folk want the world to wise up. But lately the posts of some poly people I know have seemed unbearably smug.

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