Monday, 10 June 2013

Too much play, too little sleep

The price of a good time - sleep deprivation and sexual health issues. 

It's Monday morning but all that means is I have revision to do. I could use more structure in my life and more distractions. It's hard to study. Being alone in the flat gives me time to think of Virgil. I miss him like crazy, to the point of picking up the phone, but I don't reach out. What's the point?
I wonder if Virgil enjoyed his weekend, what he did with Sarah and whether he enjoyed himself more for no longer being with me? There's a distance opening up that will never be bridged. I feel our lives diverging and I'm sad. 

Thanks to the drunken generosity of a colleague I skipped out of work early and headed over to the penthouse of sin to join friends Ava, Barney, Amanda and some others at a play party. Amanda is being allowed out to play for the first time. She confides that the deal is she can't do vaginal sex: oral sex only. I say: "What about anal?" and she says "I can do that too!" 

Aren't people territorial and isn't it funny? Bob was there too. We met once before when Virgil and I went to a play party he had hosted.

Virgil and I ducked out without getting involved that night, but since then Bob and I have been Facebook friends. I know enough through his posts to know he's decent. Through Facebook I learned that he had split from his wife and their girlfriend. I decide I want to play with Bob. His very young new girlfriend comes as part of the package. We laugh about how long this has taken. Later I join the group and play with Barney, who fucks me from behind on a crowded bed while I hold a vibrator to my clit and make a lot of noise.

It's a curious kind of squaring the circle, playing with people I have previously met in Virgil's company and rejected. At play parties Virgil and I became the super-fussy couple who hung back. There's another pair there with whom the same thing happened. Now I feel much more friendly toward them, especially the woman who has cropped her hair and proved to be a very sexy androgyne. Unfortunately, just as I am coming (on a couch, with Bob and his girlfriend) they leave. Another time, I hope.

Except I'm not sure that play party sex is good for my health. I now have some kind of irritation, probably fungal, from the night's activities. I feel a bit miserable about this and hope it will not detract from the time I hope to spend with my texting friend later this week. I'm not sure whether it's being in contact with lots of different bodies, or the poor hygiene of people who forget what they have stuck, where and into whom without washing their hands properly before and after.

The thought of someone's fingers being inside me with bits of other people on them makes me nervous. I saw vibrators being shared around and I was the only one putting condoms over them. Maybe also it's the latex thing. I'm not sure what condom Barney used when he fucked me. In the heat of the moment I forgot to check.

The other after-effect of the night was lack of sleep. Even with a sleep mask I woke up at 7.30am the next day. I had to work a 12-hour shift, which nearly killed me and lead straight into another day of feeling exhausted and heavy as lead. I missed Virgil terribly. I tell myself it feels worse because I'm tired. I'll be ok. But the pain of the split gnaws at me and I have a sense it's going to hurt for a long time.

No comments:

Post a Comment