Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Gardening and debauchery

A good date, positive thoughts, inaction.

I'm still on gardening leave but things are looking up. My mood is definitely brighter; I cry much less. I miss Virgil but we see each other often as friends. I remember how unhappy I was in our relationship. While I feel sad now, I also feel free of some uncomfortable emotions which, honestly, I had become so used to having they were like oxygen.

Now I have to do something with my life but the question is what? Should I write? It's something I can do well (please ignore the poor quality of this blog), although I'm not sure what I want to write. An acquaintance (I recently discovered) coauthored half a dozen books in the last year off the back of the Fifty Shades buzz. While holding down a full-time job!

Their blurbs read like trashy chick lit but the reader reviews praise the books' gritty, realistic portrayal of BDSM which I'm guessing was her contribution.

The extra shifts at work seem to have dried up entirely. I'm not sure I even want to ask why. I must find more paid work. Instead I potter in my garden and economise. I would almost rather do anything than look for work.

When I masturbate I still think of Jay (his cock actually) but I had a good OkCupid date which set off thoughts of potential debauchery. He surprised me by being sexier than his photos. We both like gardening and kinky sex and he's not a geek, more of an arty, hedonistic grown-up. We know of but do not share each other's circles.

I would definitely see him again. Actually I would definitely have sex with him. When attraction is there you just know it. I knew it within a few minutes of meeting him. After that all you have to do is get on and not fuck it up. He didn't fuck it up. We got on (I think). I wonder whether I should wait or contact him.

PS No more days PV for the title. I'm over that convention.

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