Saturday, 9 October 2010

Has anyone seen my period?

My body is waiting.

The breast tenderness has been and gone, as has the low mood. My belly is swollen, but that could be from eating too much.

'How late is your period?' asks Virgil in bed this morning when I get back from the bathroom. I consult Periodtracker on my phone.

"Only four days - I'm not worried," I say.

We agree that four days is nothing.

I have a pregnancy test stick in my sock drawer. I wonder if other people do. The other stick was used a year ago when I got my dates wrong and for several hours was struck by the conviction that I was pregnant. I wasn't and I doubt I am now.

Virgil and I have almost-safe sex. After two years we still use condoms but he sometimes allows himself the luxury of an early thrust or two. Liking the feeling of his skin too much, I don't stop him. It's only for a few seconds. (I think of going on the pill so that we can enjoy what other couples mostly take for granted but I don't like the idea of taking hormones.)

Of course everyone knows that's not safe. There are outrider sperm swimming around in pre-come. It would be so rich to get pregnant doing something my teenage self would not have countenanced.

The annoying thing is that we have a much-awaited date with Beatrix on Monday. If it comes now I'll be in full flood.

I hope it doesn't come yet.

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