Saturday, 11 August 2012

Insect kink

This housesit is giving me some peace at last. It's very familiar and comforting. It takes me back to how I lived before I met Virgil. I eat brown rice and vegetables. I sit in the garden. There's a lavender bush with bees bobbing around in it. Several spiders have built webs in the bush too. One has caught a bee and tied it up. I think about being tied up and how long it has been.

I send a text to Oliver the dominant:
'I'm watching a spider enclose a captured bee in silk. Now it's feeding on it.'
Later comes back:
'Message received and understood. X'
I think, 'Goddammit, Oliver, you had better not be thinking that I'm the bee and you're the spider.' But I decide not to text him. Oliver is far from capturing me. He has sent me several texts indicating a desire to play but he cannot seem to find time to meet to talk about likes and dislikes and things like that. Until he can manage that, I'm not willing.

'What do you think I am, Oliver - renta-bot?' I think, but I do not say it.

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