Friday, 22 February 2013

Hungry days

I feel insatiable. How is it possible that in the prime of my life I cannot get enough sex? I have an open relationship and a wide circle of pervy and broadminded acquaintance. Surely I should have it worked out by now. I wonder if I am too desperate. Virgil's granny told him once that 'they can smell it on you'.

Virgil's utter dislike for me initiating sex has led to a loss of confidence. I didn't used to have a problem asking for it but now I worry that it will put people off. This came up with Jay yesterday. We had returned to my flat after an evening out. Then Jay's flat mate called to say he was locked out and the friend with spare keys wasn't answering his phone. 

I was premenstrual and utterly horny. I couldn't keep my hands off Jay. I was climbing onto his lap, kissing his ears and telling him that he should just put his housekeys in a cab and send them round to his flatmate. He didn't feel right about it though. He felt he had to go and deal with it. It was horribly cold last night. Really not a night to leave a flatmate out on the street, no matter how annoying.

Most of my sexual energy is focused on Jay at the moment. I want him to know this while protecting him from knowing exactly HOW much. I met him on the scene but Jay has never actually been involved with someone in an open relationship before. I want Jay to know that I really like him but I don't want to scare him off or make him think that I just want him for sex. Although I would stop the clocks and teleport him over here right now and fuck him for hours if I could, just spend the whole day having sex and talking and being in bed together.

Goddamn, so no sex then, and now Jay has gone away for two weeks. I apologised for being a sex-pest. He said not to be sorry and that sex-pests are good, really. I told him how insatiable I am feeling and he said he thought I was highly sexed. I said: 'Honestly, I am just average but my sex drive has increased exponentially since I met you. I think about you when I make myself come, and there's a lot of that at the moment.' 

Jay told me that sometimes he has days when he just fancies everyone and feels desperate too. I said: 'If you move to near me can we have booty calls?' He said: 'If we become neighbours you can come round whenever you like and I'll fuck you.' I said: 'You know, booty calling is one of the highest compliments you can pay a person,' and he laughed. 

After he left I went back to bed and made myself come. This morning the same and now, as I'm writing this, I'm horny again and wondering if I can have another orgasm before going to meet my mum. Feeling dependent on a person for sex makes me feel horribly out of control. I wonder if my desire is unreasonable and whether I need to find yet another lover?

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