Tuesday, 7 September 2010

This Week Has Been Hell

I think there's something wrong with my hormones. I am hot and cross. My premenstrual tension this month was unreal and even though my period started today I still feel outrageously dark and nasty. Tonight I am sleeping on the sofa, having called Virgil a wanker and stormed out. Yesterday I lost my temper with him at least half a dozen times.

Now the white noise of the electronics we keep in the living room is keeping me awake and I am thinking evil thoughts, too cross to sleep.

Almost as a gesture I want to leave the flat and skulk through the dark streets. I want to scream and shout. Fucker! I will stay up late on my own and fume and stew.

We are working together on a sex party. The closer it comes, the more there is to do and the more Virgil and I find to disagree about. It is a constant battle. He says I am shit at collaborating and offensive. This could be true. The thing is that I would really like to be able to work together with Virgil but I don't seem to be able to. His ideas and schemes are often so impractical-sounding to me that they make me panic or feel exhausted from the effort I imagine they will require. On the other hand, he seems quite unnecessarily picky and critical about my ideas.

I hate being on the sofa, but when I went to him in bed when he had turned off the light and we lay, silent, as far away as we could be, and tried to make up, he just said that I was welcome to apologise any time I liked. At that point I called him a name and took my leave, slamming the door for the second night running. I won't go back.

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