Wednesday, 25 July 2012

STDs and open relationships

It's not sexy but my current preoccupation is my living situation. I have also been working pretty solidly which hasn't left much time for writing. When I finish this piece of work I shall devote myself to looking for a new place.

I was supposed to have a date with Tim yesterday, finally, but the day before he postponed: his herpes had flared up, right on the end of his cock (yes, I asked). He 'would understand if I wanted nothing more to do with him', he said. Then, when I said it was fine, 'Thank you for being so cool about it.'

'Hah!' I wrote back. 'And there I was feeling blue about a little post-antibiotic thrush'... I considered telling him about my experience of genital warts but it seemed so paltry and long ago that I decided not to. I can't just veto someone on the grounds of herpes: enough people seem to have it and as long as he's not symptomatic it's supposed to be ok. I tell Tim to expect lots of questions but that I am basically fine about it.

The truth is I know little of the fine detail of safer sex with a partner who is known to have something communicable. Given the amount of casual sex I've had it's certain there have been people who did have something communicable. But I haven't had anything in the last few years apart from chronic thrush and BV and those are mostly sorted now. I'm aware that a trip to the GUM clinic is overdue and that I need to get some advice about herpes.

I also need to think about whether I need to tell Virgil about Tim's herpes. It's an ethical dilemma that must come up frequently with open relationships. One thing I definitely need to tell Virgil about is that I have a date next week with a mutual acquaintance of ours, Michael.

We know Michael through the scene and the parties we throw. He's a nice guy and he's also a dominant, which is good because Oliver the dominant is nowhere to be seen - massively busy apparently, to the point where my interest has wandered. Let's see if Oliver comes back. He sends occasional messages and promises something in August. I'm only going to have dinner with Michael and it might be just that - only dinner. But something about it feels like a date.

It's difficult to talk to Virgil about open relationship things at the moment. Also, I don't think first dates have to be flagged until it is known whether they were the first and last date. This is why I have not so far told Virgil about my date with Oliver. The only reason for sharing news about a first and last date is if it was so spectacularly awful that it merits discussion. 

Virgil doesn't seem to be dating Sarah at the moment. He has some kind of tooth rot going on and his breath smells. I have brought it to his attention several times. He says that he is using mouthwash and has made an appointment to see the dentist but he thinks I'm exaggerating. I am not. I have poor eyesight and I think I might be going deaf (seriously) but my sense of smell is excellent. If Virgil was having sex with Sarah right now there's no way he would tolerate halitosis. 

I wonder whether Sarah's new boyfriend, with whom she's staying, is easy about their having an open relationship. I like the idea that he might not be and that Sarah is experiencing what Virgil has had to cope with with me. Don't ask me why. Then again, she might just be moving house, very busy or on holiday.

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