Saturday, 12 December 2009

Sunday On The Graveyard Shift

I have looked too much at Facebook and eBay.

I spent an hour this morning writing to Citycouple, responding to what they had written and adding some comments of my own. What an investment of time this thing is. No more writing to those two, anyway. We need to do some webcamming and find out whether it would be worth meeting face to face.

Ironically, Virgil and I have not even had the time recently to have much sex. When we are together we have been too tired, or out, or on our way out, it's too late, or early. Or I don't feel sexual at the time and then am frustrated as hell in the hours we're not together. I still have a great hunger for him and such feelings of love. I become distracted thinking about him. I feel as though I want to spend every hour possible, even if just to be in the same room companionably while we work, read, write. I have a sense that I should not try to rush through this phase though, and that to sate this hunger would be to eat myself sick.

I told Virgil that I'd been writing about this and he asked why I was not also writing about my own experiences, with my last relationship, then discovering sex sites, BDSM, the Dom and so on. Oh, so that is my recent sexual history in a nutshell: from sexual guilt and no sex, to sex sites and sex with men again; kink; the Dom; Virgil; orgy ambitions. I find it hard to write about anything that doesn't feel quite alive, which is why it is so much better to write as things happen, rather than the edited version my memory will create later. Back further than that?

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