Monday, 30 April 2012

Sex homework

It rained all afternoon. On my way home I left my bike outside a shop. Coming back with my shopping I was confused to see I still had my bike lock in my hand. Luckily bike was still there - a near miracle considering the area, although maybe not given the scruffiness of my bike. I felt as flat as the daffodils and ragged like the tulips in my windowbox.

I said: You know, Virgil, this whole open relationship thing is so demanding. I feel drained and nothing has even happened yet. I'm supposed to be finding a job and sorting out my work life. Instead I'm worried and fretful. We said we were going to move to a flat with a balcony. I just can't keep this many plates spinning. It has been more than a week and we still haven't done the sex homework Douglas set us.

I know, he said. Let's set aside some time to do it this weekend.

The homework is this: we each write a sexual fantasy or idea for a scene. We present it to the other person and they are allowed to negotiate small changes if something really doesn't appeal. Then we go for it. The idea is to get Virgil thinking more imaginatively about sex and to give me a chance to express what I want. It's also an opportunity to put some kink back into our dynamic.

I decide to write two scenarios to give Virgil an easy way out if one of my ideas is completely abhorrent to him. The trouble is, I don't feel very confident. I am afraid of getting it wrong, of being too demanding or under-ambitious. The queen persona I've been cultivating and gaining strength from recently isn't sure she can sub to Virgil. It's hard to be a queen and a bottom at the same time.

Eventually I decide to ignore the fact that it's Virgil and just write what I really want to happen.

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