Saturday, 7 August 2010

My Clit Is In Hiding

Tickets to our sex party sold out in a week, catching us all by surprise. The event is more than a month away. Amateur statistics suggested that in future some form of positive discrimination at least will be necessary to keep the gender split roughly equal. We're not sure how to do this while staying fair. Do we have to be fair? Obviously we have to be seen to be fair but I don't think anyone would thank us for putting on a party with too many straight men lurking around.

Why do more single men sign up? Is it just that they are more motivated by the idea of getting sex? Are women more dubious about going to a sex party? Our party rules state that everyone must come with a friend or lover who will vouch for their behaviour. If one person behaves badly then both are in trouble. A small group of ticket buyers (mostly single men, conveniently) did not arrange this and will now probably lose their tickets, although we will allow them to hold them over to the next party.

I have spent half the week organising a volunteer rota and fielding enquiries, my own sex life neglected. It doesn't matter. My libido is low. This morning instead of lying in and making love Virgil and I cleared out our (inadequate) storage cupboard. Apparently I've fought off nocturnal advances several times and on two mornings have been too sleepy to fuck.

A voice in my head, which I hear mostly when I cycle around, is saying that my clitoris feels small and dormant. If it were a cock it would be shrinking back inside me. I've had one or two moments of arousal at inappropriate times, but mostly I don't feel sexy. I worry about having bad sex while I feel like this in case it exacerbates the mood.

Contrast this to times in my life when sex has not been readily available. I have simmered with frustration, written passionately and masturbated like crazy, fantasizing about people encountered online but not in the flesh.

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