Saturday, 17 December 2011

The view from inside my ass

Creeping Americanization made me choose that one, right?

I had something close to a panic attack earlier. The trigger was going to spy on Sarah's Facebook profile. I read some of her wallposts (she's witty) and looked hard at a rather indistinct picture of her on a bicycle. It's her second profile picture where she is on a bicycle. Virgil always rides his bicycle when he goes to see her. I wonder if she has some kind of bike thing going on.

The reason I am spying on Virgil's lover's Facebook page is that I thought she might have blocked me (there was a reason for this other than pure paranoia) so I checked. Obviously I then had to look.

The lesson, I tell myself, is that it is not a competition about who is the coolest. I have humiliated myself. It's not good for self-esteem.

I feel like a big fake, a twat of epic proportions. I am a monster with a towering, fragile ego. I have only myself to blame. The view down is scary. I need something in my life, some kind of achievement of my own to feel good about. I phone Virgil and tell him about the snit although I don't tell him what started it.

1 comment:

  1. You're worried that a woman who posts pictures of herself riding a bicycle might be cooler than you? You must be suffering from low esteem!