Tuesday, 27 December 2011

What makes a good vibrator is not what you might at first think

I own two dozen pairs of shoes but only one vibrator, a Lelo Gigi. Actually it's Virgil's but I have claimed squatters rights. After all, it's been on my clit the most. If Virgil went off to have sex with someone else, taking it with him, that wouldn't feel right. We agree to buy vibrators separately for use with other people.

There are plenty of places to go for reviews of sex toys. I do not review sex toys, but what I look for in a vibrator is this:
  • strength of vibration
  • maneuverability
  • quietness
  • build quality
I rarely use a vibrator when I'm wanking, preferring fingers for that. For me, the best time to use a vibrator is while I'm being fucked. That's one of my favourite things ever. So a good vibrator needs to be the right shape for that to happen (compact enough not to get in the way); quiet enough for it not to sound as though an angry insect is trying to join in and strong enough that you don't have to think too much about it and can concentrate on the being fucked feeling. Not being made out of nasty, cheap plastic and not disintegrating, exploding or running out of power just help.

The Lelo Gigi is actually pretty good. It covers most of those bases effortlessly. The one thing I can fault it on is that sometimes (usually after stimulants have been taken, but isn't that the point?) it isn't quite strong enough. It just won't get me there. And then after some time my clit goes numb.

So when I heard about the Eroscillator my ears pricked up. The only sex toy ever to be recommended by Dr Ruth Westheimer, it claims to deliver multiple, earth-shattering orgasms without numbing the clitoris.  Rather than vibrating, it oscillates. That means that it waves from side to side like a very fast finger (3,600 times a minute!). With the exception of those gold-plated JimmyJane vibrators that Kate Moss is supposed to like, it's the most expensive sex toy I have seen. So it must be good, right? After about a year of humming and hawing (and one numb clit too many), I finally order one.

Virgil watched me test it in bed the other night. I won't describe it in any detail - as I said, I don't review sex toys. I had several orgasms and pronounced it a strange new gadget but probably satisfactory and worth sticking with. Then he vetoed it on the grounds that he doesn't like the look of it. It's true that it resembles an electric toothbrush and gold is an unfortunate choice of colour for plastic but the look of it is hardly the point, I tell him. He is unmoved.

So that's £140 totally wasted, unless I can win him over. That's unlikely. What a shit. I consider returning it but it seems unethical. I am a righteous harlot, after all.

3 comments:

  1. Have you heard of Vortex Vibrations, Ms RH? Might be worth giving it a try if you get tired of using your finger.

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  2. Interesting, GB. Someone did put a (manual) vacuum pump over my clit once. Interesting things happened when a Hitachi Magic Wand was introduced to the swollen area. I squirted for the first and only time! But: 'A 1200 watt vacuum or above has been unpleasant to all testers.' I'm not sure about this...

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  3. Congratulations on your one and only squirt! I've got a handful of clips of virtuoso squirters in action - send me an email if you'd like to see how they do it.

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