Sunday, 23 October 2011


He came home at 5 and was as quiet as a mouse. Even so I had woken up, alert to the familiar tap of his shoes. We hugged in the hall. Then we curled up and went back to sleep. It took me a long time. I had to get up at 7. I thought about feeling resentful.

I dream that I am losing Virgil. We're supposed to be together but whenever I look around he's wandered off with other people. He's slipping away from me. I can't control my temper and he no longer wants to be around me. He sees my fear of his leaving in my face. He tells me that I should watch out because now he can go round to Sarah's and fuck her whenever I'm nasty to him. I hit him twice in the face hard and know that I have crossed a line.

I wake up and feel so relieved. What would the woman I want to be do?

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