Sunday, 9 October 2011

Plate tectonics

How can you be going along, knowing that you have your issues but that you love each other, one day, and single the next? How must it feel for people who come home to find a letter and no one there? One day you're telling people about him and that although you have your issues it's a good relationship. A day later you split up and move out. You hadn't even known that you were going to do it but the pressures must have been building up underground because suddenly you are both saying things and suddenly things are moving very fast indeed.

Virgil and I didn't touch on our last night in bed together. I came home from work at 1.30 and he was already asleep, just a smell of cigar smoke to tell me how he'd spent his evening. I edged in to my side of the bed, careful not to touch him, and lay on my side facing away. I couldn't bring myself to touch him although on some level I wanted to. I don't know whether he woke up but he turned and I felt the small of his back briefly touch mine and knew that he wasn't going to curl up against me, which is what he used to do.

We used to call it the octopus of love the way we would lie entwined, with two bodies joined and eight arms and legs. I'd never believed you could love anyone as strongly as I loved Virgil back in the day. We slept like that for ages. I really couldn't see it ending.


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