Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Post-party blues

It's probably partly the after-effects of the stimulants I took over New Year's Eve. Everything seems wrong with my life today.

I take a few mouthfuls before realising that our cleaner must have put washing-up liquid in the teapot. There are bubbles around the edges of the tea and a disgusting taste in my mouth. Crap. I already feel sick from reading emails on the bus.

Why do people need to get high at sex parties? Most people were high as kites at ours. I have a suspicion that it is not like this on the swinger scene, but who wants to be a swinger? Swingers are the epitomy of uncool - except that I think they are much more matter of fact about what they do. When I asked Virgil he said: it's just this bunch of people that do it. I wonder whether they need drugs to lose their inhibitions?

I am absolutely certain that (at least some) men do it so that they can keep their cocks hard all night, but they could use Viagra for that. Some women come better on drugs but I don't. When I'm high it can be near impossible to even have a pee, let alone an orgasm.

I'm supposed to be doing my tax return but I'm sitting here typing, which is ironic as I've hardly blogged since Christmas. As usual, writing is something that happens when I'm supposed to be doing something else. Like looking for a job.

Nothing happened with my neighbour, by the way. I lacked the nerve to seduce him on Christmas Eve. Now his girlfriend is back I can't imagine where or when a seduction could take place. Virgil and I have an agreement not to fuck other people in the bed we share so there's the sofabed. That would have to be on a night when Virgil's out. And then what?

Our NYE play party went pretty well, until at the end when for the second time that night Virgil went off on a private fuckfest with a girl I will call Voracious C when it was supposed to have been a group play. Etiquette's touchy like this. The first time it happened I had only minded a bit. I brushed it off and went and played with some other people I'd had my eye on. The second time it felt rude. It seemed to go on for ages at the edge of a general conversation happening in the lounge at the end of the night. Eventually Virgil caught my eye and instead of giving him an encouraging nod I jerked my chin slightly in the direction of the stairs. A minute later he disentangled himself and we went downstairs to talk about it.

I had let it go on too long. By the time I realised the extent of my upset I was really hurt and angry. There was already a history with Voracious C from when Virgil had played almost exclusively with her at another private party we gave. Afterward I'm not sure I complained explicitly about her but I had expressed disappointment that he hadn't played at all with me that night. Voracious C is a young, very outgoing, attention-hungry sub. She has no qualms about telling people that she is not being hit hard enough. After the first play party she was keen to play with Virgil privately. She even messaged him saying that a 'slave couldn't initiate things but...'. There was some texting but it didn't come to pass (mostly because of my reaction to the suggestion, I suspect).

I quite like Voracious as a person but we are not sexually compatible. Although she is beautiful she doesn't turn me on. She doesn't seem to do group play. She fucks a lot of people but when she sees Virgil she has been known to make a bit of a bee-line. She is always the sub and I find it hard to see him dominating people when our own kink is not going well. Ah, jealousy.

The upshot was that our party ended in bitterness (me), remorse (him) and tears (both of us). The bad feeling lasted several hours into the next day when we were on our own in the spectacular warehouse conversion we had rented for the debauchery. We eventually had the private after-party we traditionally enjoy after parties we host but there was damage. We did a lot of talking about it. We're talking now about taking a break from having an open relationship while we sort out our issues (for this read my issues). I feel like an open-relationship failure.

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