Monday, 4 June 2012

A day together

I'm happy and sad today in the same way that it is both raining and sunny outside. Perhaps there'll be a rainbow. Yesterday Virgil and I spent the whole day together. We met early for breakfast in an empty cafe. It was cold and pissing rain. A police van beeped hello to two pedestrians wearing Union Jack wellies, plastic hats and raincoats for the Jubilee. We went back to the flat without a plan but just feeling that we needed time to be together, and that's what we did all day and the night too.

It wasn't perfect or easy. There were moments of disappointment and even irritation but there were also flashes of beauty and love. There's much ground to be made up and I cried and was sad several times, which I regret because it doesn't help things between us. When we first kissed I was upset by an unfamiliar smell on his jumper, a very ancient, sweet after-note of the scent I bought him for Christmas last year. It wasn't another woman's perfume but it reminded me of something melancholy. I've traveled so far in the last two weeks. Is it any wonder he smells strange at the moment?

Now Virgil is back at his computer working (the mammoth job still isn't over) and I'm at my brother's house. This afternoon I'm going to a friend's party on a boat on the river. Virgil said that I could hang around the flat while he worked. He even said it might help him to work better although he wouldn't be able to be with me. I said, 'No thanks. I have things to do and me hanging around the flat while you work is a big part of what has been wrong in our relationship.' But we have plans to see each other tomorrow and later in the week. 

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