Sunday, 17 June 2012

Psychic squatting

I harbour territorial feelings. I no longer live there but almost all of my possessions are still in Virgil's flat. This amounts to a sort of psychic squatting. When I consider how I feel at the prospect of Virgil taking Sarah to bed in it (previously our bed was off limits but ownership has reverted to Virgil and strictly speaking he can do what he likes), I realise I have to start properly extricating myself.
I write an email:
"Something that has come up for me is this:
The bedroom still feels like my private space. My books are by the bed; my childhood mementos and pictures of my family; my sex toys in the drawer; my duvet and pillows on the bed; my clothes and things all around. 
I would be grateful if you would forbear from entertaining other people in the bedroom while it is like this. Although I know it isn't big of me I would appreciate your tolerance in this. I don't want to drag it out. As soon as it is practical to do so, I will get enough of my stuff out of there for you to make it your space again rather than our space. 
Do let me know your thoughts. I am happy to discuss practicalities and work out a timescale with you.
X"
I wait for a reply and try not to anticipate ructions. Eventually we speak on the phone. He is hard at work. He has read the email but had wanted to wait before replying. We agree to talk about it tomorrow but he assures me that we will work something out. It won't be a problem. He sounds tired and sad, which is how I feel too.

1 comment:

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