Clarity

I realised something a few days ago and felt happier than I’d done for ages: that my jealousy extends far beyond Virgil having lovers. I actually resent him having any good thing in his life that doesn’t involve me.

And this in turn is generated by a terrible dissatisfaction with my own life. Once again it’s all about me. I have done this in all my relationships, both friendships and romances. It’s just that I have never had to face up to it before.

I recognize the extent of my awfulness, the unreasonableness it. I can’t accept it. I want to be a better person.

Little epiphanies like these may be what gets me out of this hole. I have some hope at last.