Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Hopeless jitters

It's a double date day. Virgil is going out with Sarah to see a show and Robert is coming over here for a dinner. How convenient for the purposes of an open relationship yet how trying. I am at sea. Nerves sit queasily on jealousy. An impending client from hell this afternoon provides another focus of misery. I should not drink coffee on days like this.

I have a lump in my stomach and feel sure of nothing at all. Sexiness is out of the window. It's forced, like feeling obliged to have a good time. At times like this I feel as though I have to do this because I have to catch up with Virgil in order to be ok about what he's doing. I'm doing the right things but I'm really just going through the motions until I meet someone else who I really, actually, honestly fancy - and given my general misanthropy I question whether that is even possible.

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