Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Day 1 PV

Virgil broke up with me this morning. He said he still loved me but he was tired out and couldn't put in the work anymore. It didn't come out of nowhere but I still feel incredibly sad. I didn't want to split up but he was resolute and there's only so much you can say to try to dissuade someone.

So this is now a post-relationship blog, if it survives. When we broke up briefly last year I poured my heart out here but in the last six months I've barely written.

What is the point of blogging? For me right now it's more of a diary that other people might read. If I'm going to write - and I do want to write. My memory is terrible. I've been thinking about writing a memoir recently but any period of my life not covered by a diary is almost lost to me.

So after Virgil left this morning, the first thing I did was eat half of the bowl of porridge I had made before he came over. I lose my appetite when I'm sad and it's important to be able to function. Only half, mind, and then I couldn't eat anymore. I cried a bit and then went around the flat making mental notes of things that need doing. There are cobwebs under the sink in the bathroom. I'll fix that later. Not nice.

I texted my flatmate Ela: "Virgil just broke up with me. Just so you know :("

Then I removed Virgil from my list of favourite contacts in my phone so I will not be reminded of him every time I make a call. Then I hid him from my Facebook news feed so I will not see his posts. I wrote a philosophical status update about having to let go of the old to let good new things in even if it's scary, but I blocked him from seeing that. You have to tread carefully with that sort of thing. We keep our relationship off Fb but have hundreds of friends in common.

A text came back, not from Ella but from Eli, who I have a date with on Wednesday. It's a first date too. Crap! Actually it's a pretty nice text saying he's been there too and am I ok or would I like to postpone?

So I text Eli back and explain that he has almost the same name as my flatmate but that he might as well know, that the break-up is amicable and life goes on. That it's important to do nice things at times like this. We still have a date tomorrow.

Then I sent the manuscript for my book off to some agents.


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