Thursday, 9 May 2013

Day 3 PV

A phonecall with Virgil yesterday, who is in bed in a bad way. We wept and told each other we want to be in each other's lives. We'll have to talk about how this happens but it made me feel a little better. After all, we're best friends as well as true loves. On my date (how on earth did I manage that?) Eli asked if it felt like a phantom limb. I said: "More like a phantom twin."

All my spider senses are searching for Virgil. The hair on the back of my neck is trying to sense him. I feel his absence acutely. Yesterday I had to tell myself, maybe as much as a hundred times:

"I will love again, and it will be as beautiful."

It's my mantra. Sometimes I vary it. "I can love again..." Then my tongue trips over the words and it comes out as nonsense.

Off to college today. Keeping busy. I will write about Eli later if there's time.

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