Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Day 7 PV

In which I think about my erotic future, and Virgil and I ask each other for help.

Day 7. Lucky number seven. I've slightly gone off this style of blog post title but I'm going to stick with it for now. I saw my therapist Bee yesterday which was good. I came out of the session remembering my deep dissatisfaction with mine and Virgil's sex life. It's true that it had been going on for ages. It wasn't going to get fixed.

While I was putting so much energy into our relationship, my personal erotic life was stagnating. I love Virgil but his refusal to allow me to initiate sex has been stifling. When we met I was on an erotic adventure, exploring different kinds of sex and BDSM. I know Virgil wouldn't have stopped me but somehow while I was with him I did stop. It had more to do with my jealousy and fear of him having an erotic life away from me if Im honest. Now that I am single I want to pick this up again.

Virgil is in financial crisis. He is selling things on eBay to make ends meet. Last night we had dinner together. We talked about next steps, how we want to be friends but what the challenges might be around that. This morning he phoned and cautiously asked for my help with packaging and printing labels. I gulped and said: "Well, we might as well start as we mean to go on."

This afternoon I had need of his support after getting an email from someone I did some work for in January. They were letting me know that my work was very unsatisfactory and that they would not be hiring me again or recommending me. In that initial moment of hurt and confusion I felt my isolation. Then I picked up the phone and called Virgil anyway.

We all need a go-to person for times like this. Perhaps in future I will have someone else to call on: right now it's still Virgil. I'm there for him and he's there for me. If we do really well we'll continue to support and love each other as friends.


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